Watch Now!

Watch this. Watch this right now. These are the kind of things that no one says out loud, but should.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=uWi5iXnguTU

Honesty is lonely.

There are some people in this world who give really good advice. I would consider myself one of these people. 

I'm super critical and I can see things other people can't see. I'm pretty good at intuitively knowing how other people are going to act. If I say something's going to happen, it usually happens. 

I'm pretty good at calling things the way they are. 

I'm a realist. 

The problem is that nobody likes the realists. 

People all too often mistake my honesty for rudeness. People think I'm being unkind when I'm actually just telling it like it is. I get backlash for realism all the time. 

And it's painful. 

People can be extremely unkind. 

So I guess that's also what this blog is for. Saying the things that shouldn't be said out loud because it will do me more harm than good to say it. 

People don't always like the truth and because of that they don't always like the deliverer of the truth. 

So here I am torn somewhere between being my blunt self and trying to not be myself in order to keep friends. 

I know what I would tell someone else in this situation. But I'm too afraid to listen. 

Repeat after me

Repeat after me:

"I am 17. I am young and dumb. He/She is also young and dumb. This isn't going to matter 5 years from now. It matters right now so it's okay to be hurt. But it won't matter 5 years from now so it's not okay to be a brat"

This one should be said loud and proud- Why I am proud of my Veteran

Why I Am Proud of My Veteran

I’m proud of my veteran because at the age of 17, he enlisted in the Utah National Guard with the belief that he and the Guard each had something to offer each other.  He has held onto that belief and made it a reality.      He was just 17 years old and a junior in high school. I’m 17 years old and a junior in high school, and I am here to tell you that many of the 17 year olds I go to school with are NOT currently ready to make life-long decisions that impact not only themselves but also others. My dad, at 5’7” and 111 lbs., was the exact opposite of who you’d think would be starting what has now been a 24 year long military career. But he did. At 17 he chose to invest a lot of his life in the National Guard, trusting that the National Guard would help make him a man and someone his future children could be proud of.  And it has.

            My dad was already a good kid. My grandparents taught him well. He was on the right track, but National Guard helped him to become the man he is today. He is a leader, a teacher, and a protector. His service has blessed not only his life and my life, it has blessed my entire family. But it doesn’t stop there. His service, along with the service of many other veterans, has blessed the lives of people in our community, city, state, country and the world. We do not do enough to honor the lives of these heroes.

            At the end of the day, my dad is still just a dad. He does all the normal dad jobs. He kills all the spiders and cleans the garage. He helps my sister with her homework and taught me to drive a stick shift. He helps my brothers with Boy Scouts and takes care of my momma’s Honey-Do’s.  He intimidates all the boys when they come to pick me up for dates, just like a good dad should. The difference though, is that he answers the door in uniform just to scare the boys so he and I can laugh about it later. He’s just a normal dad. Honestly though, that makes me even more proud of him.

            Not every private can hope to become an officer, and not every officer can hope to become a highly decorated 5-Star General. But all privates can hope to become something great.  All can hope to become a momma or a daddy or a role-model.  They can each hope to become the kind of person that teaches others to be hard working, good and honest people. They can each hope to become the kind of veteran and person that people are proud of. They can each hope to become a person like my dad.

I like poetry?

Sometime recently I realized I like poetry.

And in some ways that makes me sick. 

I don't like being a cliché

But I don't like to write poetry, really I just like to read it mostly.

Erin Hanson is probably my favorite poet (next to my best friend Sarah Colvin that is) 

Erin Hanson has written many wonderful poems but my favorite one is puzzles. 

To read more of her wonderful work see

http://poetfreak.com/erinhanson

Why I don't write.

Boston Anderson

Mrs. Marni Davis

AP English Language

18 September 2015

Why I don’t Write

“Why I write” is a complex topic that requires a complex answer from each individual person that writes about it. A thesis such as “I don’t write because I’m extremely average and not at all interesting,” would be true for me. At the same time, it wouldn’t be true.  As my favorite writer John Green taught me, “Truth resists simplicity.” The idea that simple things are usually a lie is not an idea I particularly agree with. I believe that in reality, there is always more than meets the eye. That being said, I can’t change the fact that the reason I don’t write is because I’m extremely average and not at all interesting.

There are 7,366,869,564 people living on this planet. That is actually a lie. Actually it’s the truth, but it isn’t exactly that simple. When I researched the number of people of people living on this planet, the page changed approximately 500 times before I could even copy and paste the number into this essay. Today alone, 354,823 people were born and that number changed about 1000 times before I could copy and paste it here. 148,967 people died today and that number keeps rising too. Joseph Stalin (who was actually a quite terrible person but apparently a great writer) said it best when he said “When one person dies, it's a tragedy, but when a million people die, it's a statistic.”

I am a statistic. I was born a statistic, I live as a statistic and I will die as a statistic. You will too. In a world full of people, each with interesting and complex and equally important yet unimportant lives, I am just one more number on a laptop screen. You are too. There are so very few truly remarkable people in this world, and I, for one, am definitely not one of them. Someday we are all going to die and there will be nobody left to remember any of the “important” people, let alone people like me. I am an average, American, 16 year old girl. I have blonde hair and blue-gray eyes. I am nothing important. I am not worth remembering, that’s why I don’t write.

Yes, I am unique, I am interesting, but so is everybody else. I have great ideas. I think differently than many of the people around me. I have different, magical, wonderful, and intoxicatingly beautiful experiences. My likes and dislikes are not exactly the same as anybody else’s. I am not the same as anyone else. Just like everybody else. 

​What could I possibly have to say that would be anything of value to anyone else? What words could I possibly have to offer that anyone else would ever want to read? I can’t offer advice or opinions to this world. I am still little. This world should be offering advice to me. This world should be giving me opinions and telling me what to think. I am young and dumb. I don’t know what I should be thinking, let alone what anyone else should be thinking. 

I am not funny, I am not a genius, I am not particularly beautiful, I have no status and I have no wealth. I don’t have 937 thousand followers on Instagram. The number of people that follow me on twitter is embarrassingly low. I am not famous or celebrated. Those are all the things that really matter in this world, right? Those are the things people are remembered for, right? I am not any of those things. I am not Beyoncé, I’m not a Kardashian.  I am just normal. I am not anything important or special, and that is why I don’t write. 

If only it were that simple.

If I believed what the world said about me, it would be that simple. 

But I don’t.

The truth resists simplicity and I refuse to be simple. 

Are you kidding me? 

None of those things are the things that truly matter! Maybe those things are what matter to the world, but the world has been wrong many, many times before. What is right and what is wrong is not based on the opinions of the people in this crazy mixed up world we live in. The worth of a soul is not based on the number of people that like that soul’s photos or tweets. Hitler had millions of followers.  Jesus had 12. Does it really matter very much if millions of strangers remember me? Do the opinions of strangers really matter? 

I don’t have to be famous or wealthy to be memorable to the people that truly matter to me. They don’t have to be famous or wealthy to be the people that truly matter to me. I cannot tell you who won the super bowl last year, (or any other year for crying out loud!) What I can tell you is the names of people who have made an impact on my life. These are people who were there for me when I was at my lowest. I can tell you the name of my kindergarten teacher, and the name the person who was my best friend when I was five.  I am actually still friends with both.

In the end, no one will be on this earth to remember anyone, whether they were “important” or not. I don’t know what you believe, but I believe that there is a Heaven. I believe there is a God above. I believe that God knows, loves, and remembers me, even when I forget to know, love, or remember myself. I believe that in the afterlife, we will all be much less concerned with celebrities, and a lot more concerned with the individual people that made a difference in our lives and in the lives of people around us. The world we live in places a lot of value on things that don’t actually matter.

The world needs people like me. People who are not afraid to be unapologetically themselves. People who change the world one person at a time. The world needs more average people to do above average things. The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is a little extra.  

The world doesn’t know me as beautiful, wonderful, memorable, or smart. The world doesn’t actually know me at all…

…That’s probably because I don’t write.  

Oh, would you look at that, I just wrote something. I guess you better go follow me on Instagram.

@boston_sassachusetts

Piece of my story

How you get the girl.

Senior year. That's your big ticket. That's your deadline. But I don't actually think that's when it will happen. I think yall will go to homecoming and you'll expect it to be a big deal and it won't be. Yall will still just be best friends. And that's okay! But eventually (and I think this may have already started to happen) she will think of you in a different way. She will then proceed to ignore it or panic. Or panic then ignore it. She will act like nothing's changed. But she will watch you and how you act. She will try to talk herself out of it, and she just might succeed. Not because you're not great but because she doesn't wanna ruin it. She'll realize that what yall have is special and she will want to preserve that. But eventually, she will break down and let you in. Yall will have a wild and beautiful fling. It will be magical and intoxicating. And yall will be happy. 

And then yall will settle into a routine. And it will still be beautiful but it will be less novel. What you worked and dreamed for will become what you have. It will become normal. And because it's no longer a dream but a reality, it will be less. It won't be what you expected. You will get bored and you will move on to the next intoxicating fantasical fling. 

And she will be hurt. She will doubt herself and wonder what she did wrong. She will feel played and wonder if she ever meant anything to you at all. She will have a broken heart and she will cry. And she will try her hardest to not let you know. She won't want you to know she ever cared. She will want you to see her smiling and happy, not hurt and crying. You will wonder if she cared because she will act like she didn't. You will both move on. And just as soon as she stops missing you, you will start missing her. But it will be too late. She will move on and be happy. 

Time will pass and you will both have your heart broken and break hearts. Eventually one of you will call up the other. Yall will cry and say you've missed each other and you miss your friendship. Yall will take another wack at the friendship business. It'll be awkward at first, but eventually you'll succeed. Yall will be friends. You will want her again. She will be too smart to fall for the same goofiness twice. Too smart that is, until it starts all over again. 

Broken pieces.

I know that you know yourself better than anyone else in the world. You see all your flaws and quirks and they make you think less of yourself than other people because you don't see their flaws. You only see what they want you to see. We are all insecure. We each have things we want to hide. None of us are completely comfortable being our true selves. Even those of us who are comfortable being ourselves have moments of doubt and weakness. None of us is perfect but we see other people as perfect. We don't see other people as complex people. John Green taught me that. We are so much more willing to forgive others than we are to forgive ourselves. We try not to let people see our flaws. But we have to let SOME people in. We can't go through this life without doing so. These people have more power than they even realize. Because we let them see our broken pieces, they have the power to build us up because of them, or destroy us because of them. We are more willing to believe them than our own hearts. That's why we must be careful when people share their secrets and broken pieces with us. They trust us to help them not to make them feel worse. We have more power than we realize, we have to decide: Are we going to use that power for good? Or are we going to crush them?

Souls.

They say some people have old souls. 

Some people are forever young and lighthearted. 

I have an old soul that is forever at war with my young heart. 

I know the consequences of choices. I see how things will turn out. I understand that life keeps moving. 

I have perspective. 

I like to take chances. I like to have fun and do crazy things. Sometimes I know when I'm making a mistake and I make it anyway. 

My old soul tells me not to do things, and my young heart reminds me that I only have the excuse of young and dumb for so long. 

I mean, I've never done anything terribly stupid. 

Yet. 

Hi, I'm new.

Hi, I'm new.

I've never really done this before and I'm not exactly sure what I'm supposed to do.

 I'm stupid and inexperienced, I'm probably gonna mess this up a bit. But that's okay. I'll make some mistakes and so will you, we can figure this out together. 

I have said these words or something close to them so many times in the last two years. 

Writing. 

Cooking. 

Painting. 

Dancing. 

Spelunking. 

Singing. 

Driving. 

Dating. 

Kissing. 

Obviously the last three being the most prevalent. I've been handling at least some form of cooking and writing for a long time. I'm not great at either of them but I at least have an idea of what I'm supposed to do. 

Driving. 

Dating. 

Kissing. 

I got my permit when I was 15 but the license, the dating and the kissing all started in October. I'm still really new.

 I'm a good driver, but I'm still new. There are so many scenarios that I have yet to face. 

I like dating, but I'm still new, I'm not used to worrying about what another person is thinking or feeling. 

I like kissing, but I'm not the greatest at it.  I'm still pretty new.

I'll tell you a secret though, everyone my age is new. We're idiots, we're babies and we have no idea what we're doing. 

It's gonna be awkward and it's gonna be embarrassing. 

But I would so much rather have an awkward "oh my gosh he missed my lips and dragged his mouth down my face" kiss with another stupid 16 year old like myself than with my future husband. 

I would rather learn to French kiss (or actually, how NOT to French kiss) with a boy I liked my sophomore year than with with my future husband. 

I am new. I am inexperienced. But so are the boys. That's why we do this. That's why we date. God could just tell us who we end up with, not because he chooses for us but because he knows us well enough to know who we will choose. He could save us all the stress and pain of dating, but then we would have no experience. We would meet our eternal companion and have to have all our embarrassing experiences with them. I don't know about you, but I want to be prepared when I meet the one I'm gonna marry. I want to already know what I like and don't like, I want to be unafraid. I want to be ready. 

So yes, I am new. But I won't be new forever, so I better get all my stupid mistakes over and done with while I still have an excuse. 

He got more than he bargained for.

Today my best friend texted me a strange question. The poor boy probably got a little more than he bargained for with the answer. 

"What do you think you're best feature is?"

"Mine?"

"Yes yours"

"I dunno. That's a weird question"

"It's kind of a social experiment, I see all these videos about girls and beauty and I wish that all girls knew how beautiful they are it makes me sad.  haha, sorry it sounds dumb. But I wanted to see if girls have things they like about themselves."

"That's sweet:)

So we're talking physical?"

"Let's do both"

"Hmm...

I have an answer for you,

But it's long and I have to eat. 

I'll be back..."

"So the thing with those videos is the girls always seem to LEARN that they're pretty or they have worth or whatever. I already know I'm pretty. I already know that I'm good enough or I have something to offer or whatever. I already know that and I think most other girls do too. They're just not willing to admit it. When we talk about our flaws it makes other people think that it's bad to talk about our strengths. Or when people compliment us, we feel like we have to downplay our strengths to make other people feel better.  Like when people tell me I'm skinny, I never know what to say. When people talk about me being skinny, they're comparing their bodies to mine and I don't know what to say, it's awkward. There's not really a way to down play it without the other person feeling worse. Being skinny has never been something I've cared about, but it's something other people care about. And I don't know how to make them feel better otherwise I would. When girls are talking about how they hate their hair or their skin or their bodies, other girls pick up on the attitude and do it too.  Another problem is the dating scene, girls feel like they're not good enough when they see other people getting attention from boys and they don't. They feel like what they have to offer isn't what people want. 

The last problem is that we can see our own strengths and weaknesses while we can mostly only see other peoples strengths. We compare our worst with other people's best. Some of it is internal but a lot of it is taught. Society teaches girls to hate themselves and then wonders why they do. And then they try to fix it, but they don't know how.

For me particularly, I know I'm pretty great, I'm just not used to other people thinking that too."

Unedited. Unchanged. Original conversation. Food for thought. 

Insecurity

Hey,

I know you struggle. I know you feel inadequate. I do too. Everyone does. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, but sometimes it can be really hard to see our strengths. We are usually our own worst critic. We see our weaknesses before our strengths, but when it comes to other people, we only see the strengths. We only see what others want us to see. We only see their highlight reel.   We don't see the out-takes. We know ourselves, we see the out-takes, the bloopers and the behind the scenes. We see ourselves as we really are. We compare our worst to other people's best, and that's not fair. It's not fair to us, and it's not fair to them. 

"What a treacherous thing to believe that a person is more than a person." -John Green, Paper Towns. 

Deep down, we all know we can be great. We know our own capabilities, and our own strengths. We know we can do amazing things. Our problem is we are often times afraid that other people will put us down. We are afraid that because we can see our flaws, other people can too.

 Some people will put us down. There will always be negative people. That's no secret. The real secret is, the people that put us down, 9/10 won't put us down based on our flaws but on our strengths. They will try to make us question our strengths because the areas where we are strong are the areas where they are weak. It's sounds like something you'd hear in Elementary school but it's true throughout our entire lives. 

Our greatest strengths are also often our greatest weaknesses. One strength I have is that I am highly analytical. One weakness I have is that I'm extremely judgemental. There is two sides to every story. Finding a balance is difficult.  The playground bullies are going to find something we are good at, and twist it around until we can only see the bad. Satan does the exact same thing. He wants us to compare ourselves to others. He wants to make us insecure and hurt. He wants to make us miserable like he is. 

But we don't have to let him. 

We know what we are capable of. You know you can do wonderful and great things. I know I can too. Most people aren't going to try and stop us. I don't know why that seems to be such a big secret. Most of the people who are close to us are going to encourage us. They can see our strengths too. They know what we are capable of and want to help us. These are the kind of people you should hold onto. These are the kind of people who believe in you and want you to succeed. They are sad when we are hard on ourselves. They know we can be amazing. Deep down we know it too. These people are our cheerleaders. Everyone needs cheerleaders. Everyone needs friends. We need people who will help dream big and set goals. We need people who will stand by us even when we don't deserve it. Not only do we need these cheerleaders  in our lives, but we need to be these cheerleaders in other people's lives. 

Set a goal. Do something great and help someone else do something great too. Stop seeing people as more than people. Stop seeing yourself only for your flaws. 

Change your perspective and your perspective will start to change you. 

And let me know if you ever need a friend to cheer you on. 

Can't say it out loud.

There are something's that shouldn't be said out loud. At least not when you actually want to say them. By the time it's okay to say it out loud, sometimes it's no longer relevant. Some things should not be said out loud ever. Like, ever.

 This blog is for all the things I would love to say but really shouldn't. We all need outlets, and maybe this will be one of mine. More than anything, I make this blog because some things should be said. Sometimes we need people to tell us when we're wrong. Sometimes we need people to tell us when we're not alone. Sometimes it's too hard to put feelings into words. Sometimes it's easier to put feelings into writing. 

This blog is for me. Others can read it but it's really only for me. There are some things I really need to say. I'm just choosing to put them here, rather than saying them out loud.