On Trials And Shortsightedness

Boston Anderson

Tuesday’s with Morrie

A. Christensen

English 1010

My final assignment for my final High school English class is to write 500 words about my favorite quote from Tuesday’s with Morrie.

 Piece. Of. Cake.

No honestly, after AP Lang, this class was a breeze and honestly, to begin with I thought it was a waste of time after the intensity of Junior year. Then I realized Mr. Christensen never had the intent of teaching English. His goal was to teach us about life. That’s when 1010 became my favorite class. He has definitely succeeded in his goal. This current assignment is one in which he will simply give points for turning it in. He won’t read it. He told us that up front. He is however, asking us to keep it. He wants us to save this final paper and look back on it years from now and remember who we were, when we were just about to enter the “real world.” He wants us to save this paper, and to grow. To be different people next time we read it. I say “we” as in myself and the other students taking 1010, but if I do it the way Mr. Christensen intends, when I read this paper in the future, there won’t be “we” anymore. It will just be me, and the rest of the class will be a memory. I think that is almost as symbolic as the paper itself.

The quote I chose from Tuesday’s with Morrie is “Look, no matter where you live, the biggest defect we human beings have is our shortsightedness.” There isn’t a better quote to describe my life right now. I was recently diagnosed with a form of Dysautonomia called Postural Orthosatic Tachycardia Syndrome. POTS for short. Which has been probably the biggest trial of my life so far. On top of that, I currently have a nasty cold. I have been miserable. Yesterday I dragged myself out of bed long enough to go to sacrament meeting and come home. Today has been better than yesterday, but I still only dragged myself to Pharmacy class and then came home. I slept for a few hours and then dragged myself out of bed to work on college scholarship applications that I wouldn’t’ve bothered with except for the fact that they were due today. Truth be told, if my health doesn’t get better, that application will have been for nothing. I miss so much high school that I have no intention of going to college and paying lots of money to have higher stakes for missing classes. It’s not worth it. The way my life is going, I won’t be able to serve a mission either, which has been a goal of mine for the last 10 years. It’s heart breaking to me to feel that all the things I’ve worked for throughout high school and throughout my life are slipping away this close to the end. I’ve got big dreams, at this rate, they’re not coming true.

Yesterday at church, a young dad, who only recently became a dad, bore his testimony and talked about his baby. He explained that his son has recently figured out how to roll off his back and onto his stomach, but hasn’t quite figured out how to get back to where he started. At first when the baby would cry after getting stuck on his belly, the young parents would rush over and flip the baby over. The parents have realized however, that the baby will never figure it out on his own if they do it for him. They make sure he is safe, but they let him struggle, so that he can learn to do it on his own.

Last night, when I was miserable with pain, when I felt like my heart might explode out of my chest, when I felt like the weight of the world and all the things I can’t do was closing in, I thought about that baby. I felt like I was the baby, but that I had managed to roll down the stairs.

How do we as humans, repair the defect of shortsightedness? An eternal perspective perhaps? I feel as though I have one, and I feel that I definitely don’t like what I see. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life like this. Is assuming that you’re not short sighted, a side effect of being short sighted? Does it have to be? Is being shortsighted necessary for being a human? Or is it something we can choose not to be? Can I really choose to change the outcome of my life when so much is out of my control?

Honestly, I think I have decided that it comes down to understanding that we are short sighted and to understanding growth. To understanding that if I do it the way Mr. Christensen intends, when I read this paper in the future, there won’t be “we” anymore. It will just be me, and the rest of the class will be a memory. To understanding that nothing stays exactly the same. Not even pain. I already feel 267914x better than I did yesterday. Yesterday when it felt like I had rolled down the stairs and like the pain would never end. Things are already better than yesterday, though they have the potential to get worse again, more importantly they have the potential to become better. I have the potential to become better. Life is going to be hard. It’s meant to be. Babies never learn to hold their heads up if they’re never forced to. I will never become as great as God seems to think I can be if He doesn’t let me struggle and grow. I pray He sees a better outcome to all of this than I do. I’m gonna try and hold my head up for as long as I can. That’s all I can do. That’s all He expects me to do. I can’t see where I’m going and I’m a bit terrified. I am short sighted, but God is not.