This last June I was a contestant in the
Miss Tooele City Pageant.
Weird. I know.
I have honestly wanted to enter
the pageant for a few years now, but my family was always traveling during one
part or another. The crown comes with a lot of service opportunities, specifically
for veterans and I am all about that. This year was finally the year. I entered
the pageant.
When I was little I was the
little girl that was in every talent show, and sang at every function I could.
I did Missoula Children's Theater every year and I loved every minute of it. If
you've met my sister Kenzi, you know that she wants to be the center of
attention every minute of every day and when I was that age I was the exact
same way. Honestly, part of me still is that way. I love school choir, I enjoy
giving talks in church, (don’t tell) I almost auditioned for several high
school plays, I enjoy entertaining. But that doesn’t mean I like the focus on
me. I like to talk, but not necessarily about myself. I am more than happy to
be the supporting character. I had several friends and even a few teachers tell
me I should do Student Government in Highschool, but I didn’t. I chose Hope
Squad instead. I was the President of the Hope Squad. I’m not one to shy away from
leadership, but I chose the less visible club with the clearer focus. Nothing
against Student Government, I did that in Elementary School and ran in Jr.
High, those kids do so much for the schools. It just wasn’t my scene. Part of
it was because I wasn’t “popular” and I didn’t really want to be. I wanted to
serve. Something I realized in the middle of the pageant was that a lot of the
kids I went to school with didn’t know me when I was little. They never got to
see the little girl that was always singing, always acting. To the people I went
to high school with, I was outgoing, I was in the choir, but I wasn’t well
known and certainly not for the kinds of things you would do in a pageant. It
was shocking to some people that I was comfortable enough to enter and that I planned
to sing by myself. People saw me as the girl that had an unhealthy love for
APUSH and posted way too much on Instagram. I wasn’t “pageant material.” (Every
girl can be a pageant girl. Enter a pageant. Boom. Pageant girl.) It was weird
to realize that people saw me very differently than I see myself.
That being said, the closer it got and the
more work I put in to the pageant, the further out of my comfort zone I was. But
not for the reasons people would think. I wasn’t nervous for an interview, I wasn’t
nervous to present on stage, that was honestly my favorite part. Singing in
front of the crowd didn’t scare me and neither did learning a production
number. It was the stuff nobody notices that made me squirm. I ordered my
dresses online, and for the most part I had pretty good luck, but there were a
few things to fix on my talent dress and the slip for my white dress had to be
completely re-done. That was so hard for me. To let my mom and especially my
grandma put in the work to perfect my dresses was so hard. I am so normally
easy going with my clothes. I wore multiple formal dresses to high school
dances that I bought at DI. Having to buy expensive dresses was so hard, and
then to have to fix those dresses was so much work that other people had to do
for me and I felt so bad asking them to do it.
The Miss Tooele pageant has contestant
workshops where they teach you how to walk and how to pose. They did not like
my walking and it made me upset. Walking is not hard. Walking in heels is not
hard. Having people tell me I couldn’t walk right was hard. Kaye and Hillary had to teach me how to walk. I didn’t
want to focus so much time on learning something so trivial. But the Pratts made
it fun, in the end I was glad I put in the effort, even if I didn’t want to.
I had to buy the right shoes and jewelry
to go with each outfit and then I had to return the shoes and buy different
shoes and it all felt pointless. I was after the crown for service opportunities.
I didn’t want to care about my stupid shoes. But I did. And it was worth it. I
looked my best and I felt my best and I was glad I took the time to have shoes that
not only looked good but felt good. Cassidy’s feet were killing her all night.
My hair has natural highlights. I didn’t
want to spend the time, energy and money to have my hair highlighted. I fought
it because it felt like a waste. But I got my hair done, and it looked good. I
got my eyelashes done (one of the few things I was excited to do) and it looked
soooo goooood. It was fun to focus on me a little bit, even though I resisted
at first.
Every time I turned around someone was
telling me something else I needed to do for the pageant. That was hard. I felt
like everyone who was helping me was making decisions for me. In the end, they
were right and I was glad I listened to all their tips and tricks because it
enabled me to feel so much more confident on stage. I felt like I was not only
capable, but I looked capable. Like when they tell you to dress nice for a job
interview, it really does make the difference.
But I drew the line when they said spray
tan.
I am white enough that people make jokes
about Spaniards (people from Spain, who are the whitest people I have ever
seen) being almost as white as Boston. The idea of getting a spray tan made me
sick and the idea that it could turn out any color except carrot puree or
Lindsey Lohan was a joke to me. I did not want to get a spray tan.
So many people tried to convince me, but I was not having
it. My mom made the appointment and I told her to cancel it.
And then my white
dress came in the mail and I put it on.
And I didn’t want
to get a spray tan but I also didn’t want to wear that dress because my skin
was the exact same color. I was scared to death and I made my mom come with me
because I was so against it and so scared.
But I got the spray
tan.
And I felt amazing.
I looked so good. I am a very causal person and 85% of the time I don’t even
wear makeup. Putting so much work into my appearance felt so useless to me. But
I looked so good at the pageant and I felt on top of the world.
My mom joked as we
were driving home from the spray tan appointment the night before the pageant “You
didn’t want to do that but now you look so good and you love it so much you’re
gonna start being high maintenance and want to get spray tans all the time and
get your eyelashes done every month.” In some ways, she was right. I would love
to have my eyelashes done all the time and have to put even less work into
makeup. The spray tan was subtle enough that most people wouldn’t even notice
it, but it made me look so good, I would do it again. I can’t afford to do it
all the time. But I would do it if I did another pageant or for special events.
I liked how I looked. But I also like how I look without makeup and crazy
makeup. The pageant taught me that it’s okay to like both.
The pageant came.
The work paid off. That night was so much fun. I enjoyed the pageant so much
and I was so happy. I felt like I could do anything.
As
you have probably realized by now, I didn’t place at the pageant. But that
night, I was so proud of myself. I learned all the trivial things I didn’t want
to. I dressed up in all the ways I didn’t want to and I performed. I felt so
confident in every part of that competition that night. I thought I was going
to leave with a crown. But I didn’t. And that was okay. I gained a lot from the
experience. Other people got the chance to see me perform, something I haven’t
really done in a while. It was kind of fun to be in the spotlight, even though
I usually kind of resist it. I got to play princess and care a little more
about clothes and hair and makeup than I usually do. It was fun, even though I usually
kind of resist it.
A lot of people told me that I did so well
at Miss Tooele City and that I should’ve competed in Miss Tooele County. I
thought about it, but it really was never about the crown for me. I wanted the
community opportunities and the service projects. The pageant was fun though, I
considered entering the county pageant just for fun, but it was also stressful.
I didn’t want to jump right back into the stress again. It was a good
experience. I would recommend doing it at least once.
I had an amazing support system full of
amazing people that helped me with the competition. My family, especially my
mom and grandma, Heather and Brianna Lyman, Jenn Hinton who was kind enough to
be my honoree that night, and the amazing Pratt family. Thank you. All of you. You
helped me so much. Honestly, I think my favorite part of the pageant was the
friendships that I made. I gained some amazing friends in the other contestants
and got to be around amazing girls I hadn’t seen in a while. I think my
favorite though was the “behind the scenes” relationships. I got to watch Miss
America clips with the Lymans and interview Jenn. I was at the Pratt’s house
till 2 am with my mom one night. What started as pageant prep turned into
talking and laughing for hours. Putting myself out there enabled me to make
incredible friendships. In the end, even though I lost, I had nothing to lose
and everything to gain. I gained so much, even without the crown.
aaaand...World Peace.
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