Grateful

There are lots of things in this world to complain about. Trust me, I know. But today, I am grateful.

I got a few new pairs of compression tights a few weeks back and let me tell ya, it was awesome.

I have needed some new ones for a while now and had a few bumps in the road getting them, but 

they’re here, and I am ecstatic. All my old tights have been stretched and worn out and even have a few holes. The new ones are sooooo tight!

Look at the difference between the old tights and the new ones.

I put the new ones on and my whole head started to tingle. It feels amazing to have blood in your brain! My mom and Taylor can tell ya, my texts on the day I wore my new tights were a little silly because I was so excited. I was so happy and I felt so good. Almost too good. I kind of had a little bit of a headache by the end of the day. I felt tingley all day long.

I am so grateful to have new tights.

I am so grateful to have a little more blood in my brain and in my heart and a little less in my feet.

I am so grateful that someone invented compression gear.

I am so grateful that durable medical equipment is complex enough, yet simple enough to be clothing.

I am so grateful to have insurance that will pay for expensive compression gear.

I am grateful for medication.

I am so grateful that I found a doctor that wrote me prescription for clothing.

I am grateful for all the other prescriptions he wrote for me too.

I am grateful to have found a medical office where none of the staff treat me like a druggie or an attention seeker. Where they don’t call me “the picture of health” and ignore my pain just because my vitals look normal when I'm sitting down.

I am grateful for people who take my vitals when I'm standing up. 

I am grateful for the diagnosis that I was once terrified of. Diagnosis means treatment.

I am grateful that I am much healthier than I was last October.

There are so many things that are still so hard. There are still awful days where I feel like I am fighting with my own body. There are lots of “body positive” and “self-help” and “self-love” posts out on the internet about how your body does nothing but love you and take care of you, so you should love it back. I do love my body. But it isn’t always easy to love your body when your body is broken. My disease will probably never go away. My nervous system will never function normally.

But I am grateful that it functions better now than it used to.

I am grateful that I have learned a little bit about how to help my body help itself.

I am grateful that I didn’t stop looking for answers.

I am grateful for my bed, but I am even more grateful that I don’t feel confined to it anymore.

I am grateful that my good days now outnumber my bad days by a lot. I couldn’t say that last year.